An interesting conversation...

Another story for my nephews and nieces:

(my own and through marriage alike)

This is the story of another brother.

Boy: Jiu mu, I feel so sad...i feel like i have not made my parents happy...

Jiu mu: Why do you feel like that? I'm sure they are happy.

Boy: They have been here for a whole week but i feel that i have not made anything that makes

them happy.

Jiu mu: Well...you have to understand that parents are pretty simple creature. It's pretty simple

to make them happy, just by seeing youmakes them happy.

Boy: Really? But my mom always compares me with my brother. And he wants me to be like

him - good at studies and all.

Jiu mu: First of all, you have to understand that you could never be like him. You may have the

same DNA and stuff but the composition is different.

Boy: So, what should i do?

Jiu mu: You have to know your strength and what you are good at and capitalise on that.

Boy: You mean...choose to do something that totally different from what my parents expect me

to do? Wouldn't that be making my mom unhappy?

Jiu mu: Well...you have to show that you are truly happy with your own choice and that you

bring a difference in this life by what you are doing best. And in doing so. you will make

them happy. As long as you live a happy life, your parents will be happy for you.

Boy: I wish my mom would change. She reads a lot of books but she remains the same all the

time. Dad is a different matter. He never reads any books and he is not

educated like mom but he is so wise in things about life.

Jiu mu: Your mom is old. And you are young. It is very difficult for her to change. You, on the

other hand, are young and flexible and it is easier for you to change.

Boy: I know that but i just wish...you know...

Jiu mu: Imagine this - your mom is a 486 CPU and you are Pentium whatever the latest. It's

difficult to upgrade her. Not impossible but if she changes a little bit, you should be

happy about it.

Boy: Hmmm.....

Jiu mu: Your mom is like a mountain. And you...want to get to the other side. No matter how you

shout, hack away, bomb it or dig it...you'll never be able to move it. It will still stand

strong....but does it mean you cannot get to the other side?

Boy: No...

Jiu mu: What would you do?

Boy: I'll think of other ways.

Jiu mu: That's right...and in the end you'll be happy and she'll be happy. Once you understand

this concept...you would be so unhappy about your mom.

Boy: Yeah...i know...but don't you think she can still change?

Jiu mu: Your expectation is too high. To change your mom...or to revamp her....you need to

uproot her....you need to change her childhood experiences, you need to change the

whole 70s and 80s...the time when she was molded into the person that she is

nowadays...do you think you can change that?

Boy: Hmmm....no.....

Jiu mu: She is the person she is today because of the environment...the trend and the

situation...and even the era she grew up in. So, if she's able to shift a little bit...that is

something that's worth rejoicing about. Once you understand this simple concept, you

will make peace with her and everything will be okay. And you won't be so hard on her.

This is just part of the interesting conversation between us.

(Jiu mu means Aunty in Mandarin)

The important part that is.

Some of you may disagree with this - especially the young ones -

but it is a concept that i found difficult to understand too

before. And the less you understand this...the less forgiving you are...

and the more unhappy you become.

But if you can understand this, you willmake peace with the

older generation who have different set of thinking

from the young.

There is no good or bad in this situation...just understanding....

Excuse them for being young and naive...

A story for my nephews and nieces:

(my own and through marriage alike)

Being young is the most exciting time of life....

One would tend to think one is invincible....

that one is destined for something great...

that one will do no wrong...

and that when one is older, one will change the world....

well...there's nothing wrong with that line of thinking....

Sort of reminds me of the song...

I hope you dance....

but you might think that i contradict myself in this issue...

i do not of course object to this being young and idealistic kind of

ideas....

but...at the same time we have to have humility in

everything we do...

Why the sudden interest in this worldly issue...you might ask...

as my blog is usually about something fickle...

ROFL....(to me that is...fickle)

Right....it sparks off by an argument that MR Chin had

with one of his nephews...

we disagree basically with how they 2 of them

treat their mother....

i know that their mother is a naggy woman that

even the most patient saint will scream....BAH.....

but that is no way to treat her...

His mom called to arrange a lunch or dinner outing or

even a whole day outing with him...

but the way he sounded when talking to his mom was

really like he was unhappy...

that his mom is an intruder to his daily routine

which is according to him 'really busy'.

So ended up his mom was really hurt and upset...

imagine you come all the way from Kelantan

and you have not seen your son for months

and now finally you get to spend one precious day with him...

and suddenly

you are being splashed with cold water....

Hmmm.......

So Mr Chin texted him the next day to express his

dissatisfaction over this matter...

of how he showed that he does not put his family

first and appreciate the rare moment of togetherness.

Imagine his surprise when he got a rude reply from him.

To sum up everything...he used the classic argument of

'I'm old enough to know what i'm doing'

and

'I did nothing wrong' statement.

When Mr Chin chided him on being rude talking in that manner to

an older person....

a very interesting phrase came up....

"I don't care about rank.....when we are talking about facts..

we do not consider about rank.

Rank is only an excuse for people who cannot accept the truth"

or something like that...

(The argument on the sms ran a whole 2 pages of foolscape

paper long you see...and i have to sum it up in

4 sentences)

Mr Chin chided him on his arrogance

and mind you he had his replied ready....

he actually scolded Mr Chin and rudely asked him

to check his fact and that Mr Chin was the one who was wrong

and rude...

Mr Chin finally threw his arms up and said

...yea..live your own life...it's your life after all....

and if you refuse to listen to my advice....

it's fine by him.

well...i smiled at all these arguments...

not condescendingly...but at how naive and innocent his replies

were...

I though to myself: If Rudyard Kipling were still alive

he would cringe at this....

all his wise words gone down the drain...

My word.....no matter how knowledgeable you are...

it is not an excuse for not respecting others....

especially someone older who tries to advise you...

for your own good...

you may think that they are old fashion and that the world no longer operate

the way it used to be...

but the skills to survive that the old possesses will help you

go a long way...

It that's difficult to understand, let me give you

an analogy:

The sea and the fish may change and evolve

but the skills to catch the fish and face the rough sea

are still the same...

it may need some upgrading but the basic skills are still there..

So...go out...change the world to be a better place

all you can...

but DO NOT EVER FORGET the VALUES that

we hold dear to us...

that actually DEFINE the person that we are....

To the young people out there....esp. my nieces and nephews...

Yes...I do hope you guys will DANCE....and not choose to

SIT it out....

(I mean get involve and not be a spectator)

but when you do dance...dance with

respect and humility...

The old may lack in knowledge and facts...

but they are rich in life's experiences....

and with due respect....

these two (knowledge and experience) are a potent combination

of the word SUCCESS...

some of you may not even live a quarter of this life yet

but the old...they have reach maybe 3 quarters for

all you know...

You have not met all or maybe any of the

big fish yet

but the old...they have met all the different kind of fish..

You may have the technology

but they may have the strategy...

So...a little of respect and humility will go a long way...

especially when you have just started your journey

and tried to expand your wings...

Is it written in the star?

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

Ti's a lyric from my favourite song...
and it makes me wonder...is everything written in the star?
I don't mean like a star cross lovers kinda stuff...
just destiny and our life...
Has it all been decided before hand?
And can we change it?

This evening, while chatting with his mother, Chin suddenly
asked about the feng shui book from
his mother.
I thought it is a normal feng shui book
but apparently it is a really old one
that predicts one's life...
Interestingly...he looked up his mother's prediction
and well...what can i say....her life is just as the book says...
Chin also looked up his..
and so far the prediction has been true...
it says he would achieve a certain success in his life when he
reaches the age of 36...
and in 2 years time he will be 36...and
recently he was offered GC....

As for mine...
most of my young life...i had to struggle
for the things that i wanted...
and nothing came easy...
which is very much describing what i has gone thru...
and yes...it says life will only
become easier as success will come my
way when i reach my thirties...
well...that much is quite true too...
Thus I chose Butterfly to portray
my whole life...
only when emerge as a butterfly that i feel i can fly freely
and develop my potential...
and do things that i want..

Well...the question is ....
can we believe such prediction?
can we totally rely on it...
and can we change it....somehow...
I believe that everything is indeed written but along the way we
are offered opportunities to change it...
just that at time...we are scared to reach for it...
but changing our destiny is indeed a possibility...